Welcome Wagon Faces Pie Plate Shortage; Ms. Tarantula Issues Rain Checks with Steady Nerves

FRONTIER LOOP— Ms. Terrance Tarantula, interim Welcome Wagon chair and veteran of eight-legged hospitality, confronted January’s first crisis: a pie-plate shortage caused by a post-holiday run on casseroles and an optimistic ordering spreadsheet from 2019. Newcomers still received library cards, plumber numbers, and handshakes rated “unflappable” by Chamber observers.

President Badger authorized emergency funds for a restock shipment due the nineteenth. Until then, Terrance distributed rain checks redeemable for pie plates, coffee cake pans, or one honest conversation about where to find shade at noon. Rita Roadrunner redirected three families to the depot greeter desk, where maps included a starred bakery and a caution about the wash crossing after rain.

Mrs. Manatee, former chair, sent a box of surplus plates from her retirement porch with a note: “Hospitality outlasts inventory.” Mayor Tortoise called the response “municipal grace under pressure,” which Terrance framed beside her certificate of appointment.

If you moved here this week, welcome—your pie plate is coming. In the meantime, borrow one from a neighbor. That’s the real Welcome Wagon tradition anyway.