Stevie Scorpion Awarded Permanent Winter Route; Mittens Fund Hits Goal

RATTLESNAKE RIDGE— Postmaster Tortoise—no relation to the mayor, though both answer letters promptly—awarded Stevie Scorpion a permanent winter sub-route after a December trial that saw zero lost parcels and one thank-you pie per mile, roughly. The bake-sale mitten fund hit its goal Tuesday, supplying Stevie with lined leather gloves sturdy enough for catalog season.

Regular carrier Ms. Ibis, juggling jury duty memories and library hours, called Stevie “the sort of hello that fits in a mailbox.” Rural Route 4 residents report mail sorted by size, optimism, and whether the envelope looks homesick.

The Horned Toad Society requested Stevie document delivery times for an upcoming debate on porch-light curfews. Stevie agreed, provided he could cite Ms. Ibis’s bookmobile schedule as a control variable. Mayor Tortoise sent a commendation certificate suitable for framing beside the substitute-mail honor from last year.

If your walk feels lonely this January, wave at the satchel coming over the ridge—mail, as Stevie says, is just long-distance hello, and winter is when we need that most.